Less than focused

I’ve got videos in mid edit.  A new computer to work off of, but I can’t figure out how to transfer my files.  I haven’t been in one place long enough to get help with that.  So many chapters in summer. So many chapters within chapters within stories that didn’t get told inside of that.  And now I’m in Texas.  Never been to Austin and it is hot as hell.  104 degrees just because it’s Tuesday and Steph gave me her car for the day while she was working.  I thought I was going to die at least four times while driving.  The roads are different.

My body is here and I’m trying my best to rise to a new occasion.  Being here is good, but it is new.  How much new and old can a summer hold before it is soaked thoroughly and the colours bleed together?  Her life here is a life I could see myself stepping into for awhile.  She works as a community development manager in a low income area.  Non-profit work and she collaborates with other non-profits to promote efficiency in their work.  She takes the bleeding hearts and do-gooders of Austin and gives them direction.  Evaluates the results of government and private assistance and pairs up families in need with people who can now help meet their specific needs.  Her housing is taken care of and her work is making a difference.

It makes me wonder is all.  About what I’m doing, what I could be doing, what I should be doing.  Is there a should in the summum bonum?  I want the good life.  My words aren’t going anywhere, but where am I supposed to let them take me? Is there something cheap about all the restlessness in my bones?  Something easy?  I never wanted easy.  Hands to keys, I want to write until my fingers bleed and I want to make a difference.  I guess I’m a bit of a bleeding heart myself.  One of those hippie types who has all of the best intentions and no direction.  Hippies.  Bleh.  I’ve got a friend who works with people like that.  She lives in Austin and she’s all about that sort of thing. It wouldn’t hurt to ask.


About amyleighcutler

Writer, dancer, vagabond extraordinaire
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